Hermione's Lipgloss
by SnogginGodess
Summary: Ron is convinced that Hermoine is coming on to him. Funny bit of fluff. PG-13 for some sexual content.
1. The Bedroom Incident

(Disclaimer: I own nothing. Happy?)  
  
"Ron!" Mrs. Wealsey called from the bottom of the stairs. "Hermoine's here!"  
  
Ron, who had been flipping through a magazine, sat up. "Be right down, Mum!" He quickly ran his fingers through his red hair and looked himself over in the mirror, which shouted, "Stop primping, already!"  
  
He ran down the stairs, stumbling over quiet a few. "Hi...uh...erm...sorry! Hi, Hermone," Ron said, a little breathlessly. She had obviously used Sleekeazy's Hair Potion again; her hair looked soft and smooth. She was wearing eyeliner, which made her eyes really stand out. She smiled shyly with her glossy lips.   
  
"Hey, Ron," she said, smiling to reveal brace-less teeth.  
  
"Erm, shall I take your coat, then?" Ron asked, walking over.  
  
"Okay. Thanks," she smiled. God, she looked hot, Ron thought. She took the coat off, and handed it to Ron, who couldn't help but stare at her red tank top, covering two prominent "mounds". Hermoine turned to Mrs. Weasley. "Is there anything I can do to help with dinner?"  
  
"Oh, no, dear," Mrs. Weasley smiled. "Nothing at all. Why don't you go put your things in Ginny's room?"  
  
"All right, then," Hermoine smiled. "Ron?" she asked, after he had hung her coat up. "When's Harry coming?"  
  
"About three days," Ron mumbled. "Ah, shall we go upstairs?"  
  
"Sure," Hermoine said, as Ron grabbed her large trunk, and began pulling it upstairs. He dropped it off in Ginny's room, but Hermoine kept walking up to his room. She opened the door and smiled. "Want to just hang out in here?"  
  
Ron had never heard Hermoine say 'hang out' before. For some reason, this made his heart race. It also made him stutter and go, "Er...If you wanna."  
  
Hermoine flopped down on the bed, and kicked her platform sandals off. Ron quickly pushed his "Quidditch Weekly" magazine off the bed, shut his underwear drawer, and kicked some clothes under his bed. He sat down next to her. "Er, you look different, with your hair like that," he told her lamely.  
  
"Do you like it?" she asked, eyes wide.  
  
"Yeah. Your normal hair is fine too, but er...this is nice."  
  
Hermoine smiled, and pulled a tube of lipgloss out of her pocket. She smeared it on her lips, very slowly. Ron shut his eyes, and tried to think of very unsexy thoughts. Like Percy in a thong. He slowly opened his eyes to find Hermoine staring at him, quizically. Ron realized he had been making a revolted face at the whole 'Percy-in-a-thong' thing. He blushed, his ears turning red. Hermoine giggled, and moved closer to him. At that precise moment, Ginny ran in.   
  
"Dinner's ready," she said, before blushing and running off.  
  
Hermoine stood up, and stretched. "Let's go down, then, shall we, Ron?" Ron nodded feverently, and followed her downstairs, glaring at her butt the whole time. He watched her all during dinner. He couldn't help it. She was beautiful. He was lucky that he had a napkin over his lap, and that she was sitting across from him.  
  
After dinner, Hermoine suggested they go for a walk. She looked up at the stars. "Aren't they gorgeous, Ron?"  
  
"Yeah, you are. I mean, they are," Ron felt like his head may explode. He was rather embarrassed, but his spirits lifted when Hermoine squeezed his hand and murmured, "Thanks."  
  
"Wow. It must be getting pretty late. I'm not tired, though," Hermoine added. "I feel like I could stay up all night."  
  
"Right," Ron said, thinking of Percy in a thong, McGonagall in a thong, his mum in a thong, anything to calm himself down. They walked slowly towards the house, and Hermoine slid her hand into his.   
  
"Ron, I have to tell you something," she fluttered her eyelashes. "I'm so in love with you. You are so hot. I've always been into you."  
  
"R-r-r-r-really?" Ron asked, heart racing. "I've always had a huge crush on you and now, you know,"- he was cut off by Hermoine, who leaned in to kiss him. Soon her tongue was in his mouth. When they broke off, several minutes later, Ron gasped for breath. "Damn, you're a good kisser," he told Hermoine, making her blush.  
  
"Well, Ron, I'm off to bed, then. Oh, damn. I left my lipgloss in your room, didn't I?" she asked, innocently. Ron nodded slowly. "I'll change for bed and then come pick it up, all right?" Ron nodded, though much quicker this time. Hermoine smiled coyly, and walked off, well aware of the fact that Ron was watching her butt.  
  
Ron was laying on his bed, half an hour later, wondering where the hell Hermoine was. He was about to get his pajamas on and give up, when the door slowly opened. Ron's jaw dropped to the floor. Hermoine was dressed in a gauzy, purple nightie. Nearly see-through. Ron tried to calm down, but there was no use. Hermoine walked slowly over. Her hair was pinned up on her head, and a few tendrils flopped onto her forehead.  
  
"There's my lipgloss!" she said, picking it up. She walked slowly towards the mirror, and slathered it on her lips. Ron took a deep breath. With her lips looking incrediably wet, Hermoine sauntered over to the bed. "Ron?" she purred. "Do you know how much I love you?"  
  
Ron couldn't speak. He was shaking. Hermoine grabbed his shirt, and ripped it off. Ron gasped, all unsexy thoughts forgotten. Hermoine leaned close to him. "Kiss me," she commanded, and Ron was all too happy to obey. As he kissed her, she moved slowly and somehow ended up in his lap. Ron, holding onto her shoulders, began to kiss her neck. Hermoine moaned happily, and nestled in closer to him. He boldly reached up and pulled one of the straps of her nighty down. When she didn't resist, Ron reached for the other one, and pulled it down slowly.  
  
Her hand reached up and grabbed his. "Ron, wait," she whispered, all the lipgloss gone; it had been tranfered to Ron's face. Ron seemed confused. "Slowly. Take it slowly," Hermoine whispered into his ear.  
  
"I don't think I can," Ron told her, his voice sounding surprisingly urgent. "Don't you want to...uh...you know?" he asked her, eyes wide.  
  
"Yes, I want to," she whispered. "But-," she stood up suddenly. "I may just save myself for marriage. Good night, Ron," Hermoine said, as she bent over (revealing a bit more skin then she should have) and kissed him.  
  
Ron watched her walk out the door. "Uh...g'night," he mumbled, very dazed. What the hell had just happened? 


	2. No Snogging in the Garden!

(A/N: Here it is....Chapter 2! I was only planning on the one chapter, but I love all my 'fans' so much, I updated for you! *AHEM* I understand everybody has freedom of speech, and can express their opinions. So now I will express mine. My story rocks, Chris and Mandy! :-P lol! Oh, and be sure to read "Harry Potter and the Spatula of Doom". I am quiet proud of it! ^_^ And finally, YES, Hermoine is OoC. But that is what makes the story funny funny ;) Oh, and we'll say that they're in fifth year. The story isn't "accurate", so they won't be going to Sirius's. Enjoy!)  
  
Ron was confused, but that's nothing new. He tried to look on the positive side. Like, yes, Hermione did like him. And yes, if she wasn't "saving herself" she most likely would have done 'that' with him. And they had made out. Not too bad, Ron decided, before going to sleep.  
  
He awoke with a start the next morning. It was late, and his mum was probably quite pissed he had slept all this time. Ron jumped out of bed, landed on Crookshanks, who bit his ankle, and ran to the bathroom to take a quick shower. The door was locked. "Marvelous," Ron mumbled. He knocked on the door. "Hurry up in there! I don't want to miss breakfast!" At that moment, the door swung open to reveal Hermione, hair dripping, with a blue towel wrapped around herself. The bathroom smelled like candlewax and some sort of flower.   
  
"Hey, Ron. Sorry to keep you waiting," she said, voice low, before planting a wet kiss on his cheek and walking off to her room to get changed.  
  
After a very unsexy and cold shower, Ron got dressed and hurried downstairs for breakfast. Mrs. Weasley was slamming plates around, a furious look on her face.  
  
"Had a bit of a lie-in today, huh?" she asked Ron, as she flung some sausages on his plate.  
  
"Sorry, Mum," Ron said. She usually didn't get too upset if anyone slept in, unless she had told them to wake up early the night before. A horrible thought pushed its way into Ron's head. What if his mum knew what he had been doing last night? "Sorry," he mumbled again.  
  
"No, Ron, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped at you," Mrs. Weasley's voice sounded kinder now, and Ron breathed a sigh of relief. "It's just your idiot brothers decided to pour something into the porrige I was cooking. All I know is I took a bite, and I began sneezing fireballs."  
  
Ron could see Fred and George in the garden, de-gnoming. He began to eat quickly, while Mrs. Weasley muttered something about "damned Weasley Wizarding Wheezes of whatever they call it". Ron quickly put his plate in the sink, and walked out the door. Hermione was sitting in a lawn-chair, half-reading a book, half-watching Fred and George torture the gnomes.  
  
"Hey," Ron said, sitting next to her. She looked at him and smiled. Ron gave her a quick kiss when he was quite sure Fred and George weren't looking.  
  
"Ron, get off of me!" Hermione pushed him away. "God, all you want to do is make out, and we never talk anymore." She glared at him, with wide puppy-dog eyes. "We were friends before we were lovers."  
  
Ron shook his head. Hermione was acting as if they had been married for years. But he was also elated that she had called them "lovers". "What'll we talk about, then?" he asked, looking into her eyes.  
  
"Let's talk about all the things I want to do to you tonite," Hermoine purred, and began whispering things into Ron's ear that made him turn beet red.  
  
  
  
"Ron? Ron? Ronald!" Someone was shaking him, and his head snapped up. Mrs. Weasley was standing over him, looking angry. "You fell asleep. And I'll bet those two," she jabbed a thumb at the window, where Fred and George were tossing a gnome back and forth, "had something to do with it." As she stormed outside to scream at his brothers, Ron slunk upstairs.   
  
  
  
"I can't get her out of my head, you know? I dream about her. No, I fantasize about her. I want her. You know what I'm saying?" Ron asked, and Pigwidgeon hooted in agreement. Ron chuckled. "And now, I'm asking an owl to solve my problems."  
  
(A/N: I know, very short, but I'm very busy. Sorry. I'll try and update soon.) 


	3. Are You a Witch, or Not?

There was a knock at the door. "Come in," Ron yelled, not leaving his bed. He didn't look as the door opened slowly. He didn't pay attention when the other side of his bed sagged when somebody else sat down. He didn't pay attention to the hand on his shoulder. But you can bet he payed attention when Hermione put her tongue down his throat.  
  
When they stopped kissing, Hermione looked down at the floor. "Ron, I'm sorry about last night. I really, really love you. Honestly. But, there are so many things that could happen! Like STDs, or I could get pregnant. I just wanna be careful." Her eyeliner was smudged, making her eyes look very sexy, Ron noticed. And the lipgloss! She was wearing it again. Or was wearing it before they had began making out, anyway. A little still clung to her lips. Her perfect lips. Her lips were babbling about pregnancy, and HIV. Her fingers were twisting her hair.  
  
That hair. That hair that was no longer tame and smooth. The wild, curly hair. It reminded Ron of Devil's Snare. So much of it, and everywhere! Then he thought back to first year, when he first realized he loved her. "Are you a witch, or not?" he had asked. Seeing her flustered had been sexy, and seeing her being cautious and almost nervous was sexy now.  
  
"Are you a witch or not?" Ron asked, the words popping out of his mouth before he could stop them.  
  
"What?" Hermione asked, stopping her discussion of trying to hide a pregnancy "bump" and how hard it would be.  
  
"Are you a witch or not?" Ron's face cracked into a grin. "Can't you use an "Anti-pregnancy spell, or something?"  
  
"With what? We can't use magic, Ron!"   
  
"We can't. But Bill, Charlie, Fred and George can."  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Bill, I'm very interested in girls," Ron pushed up his sleeves and cleared his throat in a very manly way. "Very interested. And Hermione and I...well...," he let his voice trail off suggestively.  
  
Bill nodded, his eyes twinkling. "And," Ron continued, "I want to be safe, you know? No STDs or anything, right?" Bill nodded slowly. "So what do I do?" Ron asked.  
  
"You don't let Mum find out," Bill said. "Ron, you're too young for this type of thing, you know? I didn't get any until I was fifte-," he stopped, suddenly coming to the realization that Ron, himself, was fifteen. "When I had graduated," Bill said. "Sorry."  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Charlie, I'm very interested in girls," Ron pushed up his sleeves and cleared his throat in a very manly way. "Very interested. And Hermione and I...well...," he let his voice trail off suggestively.  
  
Charlie nodded. "And," Ron continued, "I want to be safe, you know? No STDs or anything, right?" Charlie nodded slowly. "So what do I do?" Ron asked.  
  
"I shouldn't tell you this, but for any kind of STD, you just drink Dragon Piss."   
  
"Really?" Ron looked disgusted.  
  
"Nah," Charlie smiled. "You'll need some lacewings, asphodel root, and bubotuber pus, though."  
  
"Thanks Charlie!" Ron smiled, and hurried off to tell Hermione.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"What of I get pregnant?" Ron told Fred and George. "I go through all the embarrassment, and that's all she says to me!"  
  
Fred rolled his eyes. "Ron, you need a very complex Anti-Pregnancy Spell," he said solemnly.  
  
"Yeah, a real good one. And its hard to do," George agreed.  
  
"Do it," Ron said. "Please?"  
  
Fred dug into his pocket, and slapped a tiny package into Ron's hand.  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"A condom, Ronniekins. That's the best we can do."  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Okay, Ron. I'm ready."  
  
Ron had been waiting to hear that for what seemed like forever. He pulled his shirt off. Hermione was wearing a black bra and lacy short-shorts. He smiled, and began kissing her neck. He reached for her bra starp when-  
  
"EW! What the hell are you two DOING?" Harry had arrived early. 


	4. Under the Bed

"Oh God!" Harry covered his eyes. "God, God, God!"  
  
Ron quickly wriggled into some jeans laying on the floor, while Hermione flung on a pair of Ron's sweatpants, and an old sweater. Harry was still shaking his head, and saying "Oh GOD!" a little louder than he probably should have.  
  
"Harry, we didn't DO anything!" Hermione hissed. "Shut up before you-," she was interrupted by a knock on the door.  
  
"Ronald! What are you DOING in there?" Mrs. Weasley's voice rang out from the bottom of the stairs. Harry, Ron and Hermione all jumped, and turned considerably pale. "Ron?" the voice came again, then the sound of footsteps.  
  
"Oh. My. God," Ron whispered, freckles standing out against his white face. Hermione bit her lip, nervously.   
  
"What do we do?" she whispered, eyes wide. Ron mentally kicked himself for wasting time, noticing how hot she looked when she was nervous. The footsteps were getting closer, and closer.  
  
"Under the bed," Harry said quickly.  
  
"What?" Ron asked, stupefied.  
  
"Hermione, hide under the bed," Harry said. Hermione looked at him, a bit quizzically.  
  
"Harry, that hiding under the bed thing never works. And, it's a mess down there!" Hermione whispered, as the sound of footsteps got closer.   
  
"Don't argue!" Ron said. "Just get down there!" He gave her a quick kiss, while Harry tried his hardest not to gag. Hermione rolled her eyes, and scooted under, just as Ron's door swung open.  
  
"What were you doing?" Mrs. Weasley demanded, hands on hips. "I called and called and you wouldn't answer." She eyed him suspiciously. "And this room is a mess." She bent down, and began picking up clothes.   
  
"I was...uh...listening to music with Harry. He has a muggle See-Dee thingy, and he was showing me how it worked," Ron said.  
  
"Yeah," Harry agreed. "A CD player. My cousin Dudley was going to throw it out, but I got it instead. It's like a radio, but we had these things called headphones, so only we could hear it."  
  
Mrs. Weasley looked dazed. Then she nodded, brightly. "All right, dear. Whatever you say." She continued gathering up Ron's clothes when...."ACHOOOO!" rang out from under the bed.  
  
"Bless you, Harry," Ron said loudly, as Harry hastily wiped his nose.   
  
"Yes. Bless you, dear," Mrs. Weasley said, and the boys exchanged relieved glances.   
  
"Mum, you don't have to clean-," Ron started to say, thinking 'Oh PLEASE God, just let her LEAVE!'  
  
"Yes!" She snapped suddenly, "I do. If I don't pick up, who will? Honestly Ronald! You are fifteen years old, and you can't even tidy up a bit! And you've company here, too," she shot Harry a sympathetic look. "If I don't clean, who will? Ron we aren't RICH, we can't get a HOUSE-ELF! Lord knows, I work like one! You could help a little!"   
  
She was still ranting when Ron noticed that there was a tube of lipgloss on his floor. Oh God. What if his mum saw it? And even worse....his eyes settled on a condom wrapper. Cold sweat dripped down his forehead.   
  
Mrs. Weasley had dropped to her hands and knees to pick up the clothes and candy wrappers off of Ron's floor. Ron had to think fast. He saw her moving towards the condom wrapper when...  
  
*CRASH!* The noise shook the whole Burrow. Mrs. Weasley stood up quickly, and raced out the door, saying first, very sternly, "Keep quiet, and for heaven's sake, clean this room!" before racing down the hall yelling, "FRED! GEORGE! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!?!"  
  
Ron and Harry watched her leave, too dumbstruck to talk. Then Hermione scooted out from under tthe bed. Ron smiled. "Shall we pick up where we left off? Harry, d'you mind. C'mere 'Mione."  
  
"No," she frowned, throwing off his sweater and sweatpants. She bent over, revealing a bit of thigh, to grab her lipgloss, before throwing on her red silk robe and storming out.  
  
"What the hell?" Ron cried out, in disdain. "What'd I do?"  
  
"Sorry, mate," Harry said, though he was secretly very glad, indeed. The thought of his two friends having sex was making him very sick. 


	5. Of Cosmo and Couches

"Why is she mad?" Ron asked Harry for the forty-sixth time. "I didn't do anything!"  
  
"Maybe she's mad because you were bothering her late at night when she wanted to sleep," Harry said, groggily. "That bothers me. A lot," he added with a yawn.  
  
"No, that's not it," Ron said, oh-so-oblivious. He sat up in bed. "You know what, Harry? I'm gonna go talk to her!"   
  
"Okay," Harry said. "I'm going to go to sleep." He rolled over, and closed his eyes,  
  
Ron put on a marroon bathrobe, and his brown slippers, and softly padded down the hall. He crept past his mum and dad's room, where they were snoring loudly. When he reached Ginny's room, he slowy opened the door-  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Ginny yelped. She was sitting in bed, reading a magazine called "Cosmo." Ron had never heard of it before, but it looked interesting. Interesting in the sense that there was a half-naked muggle on the cover, advertising "Great Sex!"   
  
"Ginny, shut the bloody hell up!" Ron said. "D'you want Mum and Dad storming in?"   
  
"My room's soundproofed," she said, breathlessly. "And you scared me half to death!"  
  
"Sorry...wait, how come your room is soundproof and mine isn't?" Ron asked, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"Because Bill did it for me when he was visiting. I was tired of you making fun of me when I sang along to the radio. Now I can sing as loud as I want. But that's not important. Why the hell are you barging into my room so late?"  
  
"I was looking for Hermione," Ron mumbled, looking at the floor.  
  
"Oh," Ginny said knowingly. "She's quite upset, you know. She came in here a while ago, her eyes all puffy and red. When I asked what was wrong, she shook her head, and mumbled that she was sleeping on the couch. Oh, damn! I wan't supposed to tell you! She bribed me. Ah, well, I'm keeping the magazine," Ginny said, picking Cosmo back up. She began to focus on an article titled "Yoga=Tantric!" Ron shuddered.  
  
"Why you reading that piece of crap?" Ron asked, wrinkling his nose.  
  
"'Cause Mum never mentioned any of this during 'The Talk'," Ginny said, flipping the pages.  
  
"Mentioned what?" Ron asked, trying to look at what she was reading.  
  
"You really are obsessed with sex, aren't you?" Ginny rolled her eyes. "God, Ron, you just don't get it. From what I heard, Harry ruined the mood, and then you acted like a freaking pig. Girls like romance. Not just 'Hey, let's do it!'.   
  
"That's not what I said!" Ron said, hotly. "I said, uh, 'Shall we pick up where we left off? Harry, d'you mind. C'mere 'Mione.'"  
  
Ginny shook her head. "Noooo, Ron! You're supposed to take her into your arms, and give her a little kiss. Not on the lips, mind you. The cheek, or the forehead. And then you say, "Sorry to surprise you, Harry. Do you think Hermione and I could have a moment?" And Harry goes, "Of course, I'm sorry I shouted. You two take as long as you want." And then you say to Hermione, 'Hermione, my love, I'm so sorry that we were interrupted. Can I make it up to you?' And compliment her. A lot," Ginny flipped to a page in Cosmo. "Oh, here ya go." She handed the magazine to him.  
  
"The Perfect Man," Ron read outloud. "Well, girls, it's near impossible to find one. In our last issue we asked you what you look for in a man. Here are the results. 73% said he should be the romantic kind. Melanie, 24, from NYC says 'I just love it when my boyfriend surprises me. One time, he booked a romantic vacation for us, and told me we were going to meet his parents for a family reunion. I felt bad after complaining so much after I saw the Jacuzzi and the bed covered in rose petals!' 20% said you like it when he's spontaneus! Erica, 32, from London says 'Sometimes, I'll be washing the dishes, and he'll just grab me, carry me upstairs, and have his way with me!' And 7% said you like to do all the planning. Helen, 29, from L.A. says 'I love surprising my man!"  
  
Ron paused. "Ginny, how's this supposed to help me?"  
  
Ginny shrugged. "I dunno," she told him in a monotone. The look she gave him clearly said 'figure it out on your own, genius!' She began to examine her fingernails.  
  
Ron sighed. "Load of help, you are," he complained. Shaking his head, he crept downstairs. He saw a figure hunched on the couch. 'Romantic,' he thought. 'All those girls wanted romantic. I'll give her romantic! And spontaneous!' He crept up slowly, and as quietly as he could. 'I'll just grab her and kiss her,' he thought. 'Yeah, that's good. I'm a GENIUS!' He walked over, grabbed Hermione, and was about ready to kiss her when he heard someone yell "GAHHHHHHH! Gerroff, you lug!"   
  
Ron yelped. "Oh, God! Who the...," he paused, and squinted in the dark. "BILL?"  
  
"Yes," Bill spat out.   
  
"What are you doing down here?" Ron asked him, confused and shaken.  
  
"Well, I heard someone storming through the halls, and I was curious, so I followed. It was Hermione, and man, was she pissed. Sorry bro," he said, clapping Ron on the shoulder. "Guess you're not a naturally excellent lover like me. Anyway, she said she didn't want to see you, and she was gonna sleep on the couch, but me, bein' the gentleman that I am said, 'Forget Ron, you can have me.' I'm kidding, Ron," he added hastily. "I told her she could lock herself up in my room and I'd sleep down here, so you wouldn't bother her."  
  
"Why?" Ron whined. "I had it all planned out!" He flopped down on the couch. "So, she's locked in your room?"  
  
"Yep, sorry," Bill said. "Now get off, I'm trying to sleep." Ron stood, but before he could leave, Bill grabbed his arm. "But the window's open, mate." 


End file.
